As someone who is hoping to have productive conversations which point toward a better future, I have had to think about how to conduct myself. In the course of conversation, what do I expect - both from myself and others? Simply, I want to be someone who acts “in good faith”.
I looked around, and couldn’t find the all-in-one-place list of my dreams, so I decided to make one. I collected ideas which fit this theme, along with my own thoughts, and eventually organized the key concepts into the list below. It is neither completely original or authoritative, but I think it is quite useful for having fruitful dialogue.
Principles of good faith conversation:
Assume the other person is conversing in good faith, following all the rules below, until proven otherwise
Have a sincere intention to be fair, open, honest, humble, and to treat the other person as an equal
Do not assume the other person is malicious if ignorance remains a possible explanation
Do not intentionally confuse, distract, or deceive
Do not lie or withhold relevant information
Do not unfairly frame the conversation, and strive to contribute to a fair and honest framing with the other person in a way that is mutually agreeable
Commit to the rule that you will always strive to steelman, not strawman, the other person’s argument; do not argue against someone’s position until you can articulate the strongest version of their argument in a way they find satisfactory
Do not assume you understand the whole worldview of another person; develop your understanding of the other person explicitly through good faith conversation rather than guessing or inferring
Be sincerely open to changing your mind based on new information, evidence, or perspectives that result from the conversation
Be transparent about your perspective, your evidence, and what evidence would convince you to change your mind
Ask sincere questions with the goal of creating a better mutual understanding
Do not intentionally engage in rhetorical tricks or logical fallacies
Practice non-violent communication: empathetic listening and honest expression of observations, feelings, needs, and requests
Be inclusive and respectful of the disabilities and neurodiversity of all participants
Do not engage in hate speech or use language to intentionally inflame the conversation or hurt the other person
Do not evade the other person’s argument through misdirection tactics like tone-policing or “both sides” arguments
Do not use unfalsifiable arguments or thought-terminating clichés
Do not load the conversation with unnecessarily-confusing language; strive to state your positions as clearly and simply as possible
Use the principle of charity: always seek the most charitable interpretation of the other person’s views and intentions
Do not use power, influence, coercion, or emotional manipulation to affect the conversation, and be aware of any existing power dynamics that can’t be avoided
Use the no-interruption rule; restate this boundary if the other person is frequently interrupting, and walk away from the conversation if they persist, rather than copying their behavior
Seek to have the conversation in an environment that minimizes the risk of miscommunication or misinterpretation. Speak face-to-face if possible. And, if not, converse in the next-most embodied space (such as a video chat, followed by a phone call, followed by texting)
If the conversation seems intractable:
Agree to break it down into its more basic components (like a single belief within a worldview, and find agreement or at least understanding on these more basic points before returning to the larger conversation
Agree on epistemological criteria: ground the conversation in an agreement over what criteria (e.g. authority, coherence, and consensus) are being used to give weight to statements you believe are true
Use the HALT heuristic: Pause difficult conversations when you notice that you are Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired
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